trying to leave the past behind

i wanna leave my past behind.. move out of the world i made around me... the world in which i dwelt for more than 2 years.. sometimes i feel i've moved on. but the very next second i realize that i'm wrong..how can someone just walk into ur life.. turn it upside down.. plays with it for a loooong tym... finally u realise u're just a plaything at someone's hand and u have to cut off the relation... how does it feel trying to forget the past .. silent tears.. moving around wearing a fake smile always.. people liking ur smile always.. but none is able to see the pain behind it...neways have accepted life as it is..


i feel i'll never fall in live again... i won't be able to love again... i CANNOT.. not able to get happy from the inside... i mean i received loads of surprises this year on my birthday... i tried to put on happiness and messed it up.. i wanted to show i was really happy with those amazing gifts... i wanted to be happy.. but i was not... i apologise this to my besties pyari roommate, saebz, sush, dalpa, my junis nams, kalpana, esha.. i'm really sorry....


it was clear i was faking that happiness... i was really happy with those gifts but i couldn't feel the happiness... donno why !!


India won the world cup... i was sooo happy.. or i wanted to be.. i showed it.. i screamed aloud,, i texted to everyone.. but i couldn't feel the thing inside...
i never shared all this with anyone.. today i m just writing it out.....


i know i'll be out of it.. of course i'll be..