shaping my dreams into reality

hmmmmmmmm.... nothing is running in my mind right now.... itz just soooo blank.... so very blank! n ot getting hold of life as i want to.. maybe i'm one of those who believe in making castles in the air.. and when it comes to reality... i can't.. m i a coward?? or what? i don't understand,,, dis is not the life that i want to live... the one and only one life i have got and m wasting it like dat.,.... people say u r so cool .. u r so lucky... u r always happy (:  (: well i m.. but that is coz i myself m running from myself... the reality ! ريتيك

hmmm Anna .. Anna.. Anna.. all over the country therez a gr88 deal of hullabaloo over it....... what exactly is going on.,.... what do we think k agar lokpal pass ho jata h then it'd be an end to corruption... well apparently it will seem to be so.... but who knows the inside story,.,,,, govt. jo bhi ho corruption is the harsh reality of this country..... nobody can improve it,,,,, I m with Anna.,... i support him.... but i know hez a simpleton... hez fighting for us... for the gud of the nation.... but i know k kuchh nahi ho skta !!!! 4 din ke liye sbb sahi ho jayega but then wahi sabb again !! whatz the point !! the youth is frustrated... they've got a place to vent out their frustration !! ask them to go for anshan !!

where the hell i am i heading towards.. i mean c'mon how does it feel to complete ur masters and still don't know your goal !! how many out there r masters of their subjects and still groping for their way in dark... masters means specialization.... it means u have mastered that subject,, u must have thought something when u made the decision to master it.. now what !! what?? back to the same question !! what to make out of this life... B L O O D Y   H E L L ! ! ! !  HMM.. was that frustration Miss Singh !! I mean Ritika Singh.. the girl who never lost her cool... the girl who had always been sooo patient.. what has happened to her?? what the hell is she doing !! but what can she do.. shez an utter fool !! people just walk in her life.... make a fool out of her... lie to her as  uch as they wish and go away.... they just win her trust... get things outta her and vomit those things out in front of the world... and vomitting by making a fun of her,,,, laughing at her...

kuchh yaadein bheegi bheegi see...  jabb yaad humein aa jaati hain.. in palko se bahtee aansu ko, fir rok nahi main paati hun, us pal pal aati yad ko kaese main yun rok dun, kaese us yaad ke liye apne dil ke darwaaze bnd dkar dun, kabhi kabhi kuchh aesa ehsaas hota hai k kyun rah jate hain hm zinda yun kisi se juda hoke fir jhat se ek khayaal ata hai ke zindagi ise hee toh kahte hain, agar yahi zindagi hai toh kyun hai zindagi aesi, ek pal ka jo yeh ehsaas hai kyun ise yu jeena hai, kyun aese chalte chale jana hai in raaho pe, kuchh toh aesa ho iss jeewan mein jo isme kuchh rang bhare meri in sapno ki duniya ko wapas se koi abaad kare, yeh duniya abb veeran see hai, aesa lagta hai ise abb veeraan hee rahna hai..  is duniya mein koi aa n ahi sakta agar koi aata hai toh yeh dil use sweekar nahi karega, kuchh yun nikaal faekega use apne raajy se jaese koi uska dushman aya ho, toh yahi hai abb iss jeewan ka sach...  yun hee jeete jama hai, aese hee chalte...

     

sometimes i don't understand people around me... what are they really and what do they show they are.,... everyone in this world wears a mask... they show that they r really close to u... they keep telling u r the one... but how does it feel when u come to know that they were only pretending.. they said the same thing to someone else.... i m not against being diplomatic... but there is a limit of being diplomatic... D I P L O M C Y.. WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?? itz just a quality of being able to handle people easily in ur own way... whatz wrong in it... but as the saying goes " ati sarvatra varjayet'..  therez a limit of everything !!! i m sooooooo confused with life..... sooooooo much..... with life... with people around me..... !!  i always say thatz life... but is that what life really is?? is it?? 

AAaannnnnn.. :'(  why's life so hard..... at the tym of completion of my academic life i got this... i got this !! :'(  .. but i'm determined to improve this..... i surely will......

  :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(   :(  

hmmmm... travelled a lot this tym.. i mean it was a lot for us at least... we were away from home 4 two weeks..... away from home... away from bruno... missed bruno.... moreover he missed us like anything... it took him quite a tym to b back to normal again...... he wouldn't have his meals.... he wouldn't talk,,,, he wouldn't play.... but now hez back to normal.... he plays, have meals.. (:   (:  ... bruno is the cutest....

go away !! just G O  A W A Y.... !!!!!!!!!!!  Why don't u leave me alone !!!!!!!!!!! 

why is this not the case with me !!! the pain is increasing with time.......day by day.. night by night i'm dying INSIDE.... itz like the termites of time r making me hollow.. i'm hollow inside..... therez nothing..... there was a tym i was the happiest girl on the planet..... but this T I M E.. it finished everything !! i had no worries at all.... i was just a happy go lucky girl..... living in my own world... ohh !! dat world !! how on the earth can i forget that !! that was my world... my own world... i loved it !! last nyt i sat outside in the dark..... ahh !! that very place i used to sit and talk 2 someone....... that place..... i sat there last night...... memories flashed around me! it was like !!! it was like !! no words !! just looked up at the sky...... the stars reminded me smthng.... i had a perfect life for me.... my world.... but i threw a stone at it myself.... and it shattered..... but i had to !! it would have shattered some tym later !! it was destined to b...

finally it rained today.. the earth needed it..... it rained like anything.... seemed like God turned ON all the taps and switched on all the coolers of heaven.... the rain came like a cyclone... but it cooled down the weather hear.... the heat almost killed us !

gah ! not feeling well today... :(   itz tooo hot here.. can't move away from the cooler.....The earth needs some rain now... i now rain makes me feel blue... but this rain will wash away the heat with it... to add this heat i'm not at all feeling well today...... talked with my old friend today... she scored 98 percentile in MAT.. and she studied for just three days... proud of her... :) . at least someone works hard.... if not me... why the hell i'm so lazy... why m i not a hard worker..... !! i don't know! :( i have changed a lot.. time has changed me lyk nething.. ^_^

Today is my pyaree roommate's birthday.... I just wish i was with her... :(  

I've grown up reading and listening fairy stories... as i grew up a lil more... i started reading fictions like harry potter and all... i created a magical world around me and lived in that world... that was my world.. infact that IS my world.. the world in which i am what i wanna be... i still m living in that imaginary world... though i've kinda started moving out of it... is that something that happens when u grow up.. why do u grow up then.. itz better to be a child and have not to worry at all than to be a grownup and have all the worries of the planet... why, itz we who want to grow up jaldi se when we r kids.. and when we actually grow up we wanna be kids again.... we know that's not possible but still we wish... well it depends on us... if we want we can keep that child alive inside us.... but growing up really brings some changes in you....they r inevitable and uncontrollable... we don't like the way we're becoming but we r becoming dat only !! they r th...

It's 8.30 in the morning.. and i'm sitting here having my hot chocolate... have nothing 2 do... sitting just like dat... i don't understand why the hell i've filled my NET form.....i m not studying 4 it at all.... i dnt knw where my love for reading has gone... i've changed completely in the past 2 years... i dnt knw what changed me.. was it moving away from home living with a variety of people or it was smthg else... i don't know... i'm too lazy 2 do nething these days... my education is complete... I'm a Master in English literature now... completed my post graduation now... i can't believe i've spent 2 years away from home... i am such a home sick na !! i missed my mum a lot... earlier i wanted to move away from home but when i actually moved i was soooo home sick... and now i'm back home... i made really good friends there.... i miss them a lottt.. 

i wanna leave my past behind.. move out of the world i made around me... the world in which i dwelt for more than 2 years.. sometimes i feel i've moved on. but the very next second i realize that i'm wrong..how can someone just walk into ur life.. turn it upside down.. plays with it for a loooong tym... finally u realise u're just a plaything at someone's hand and u have to cut off the relation... how does it feel trying to forget the past .. silent tears.. moving around wearing a fake smile always.. people liking ur smile always.. but none is able to see the pain behind it...neways have accepted life as it is.. i feel i'll never fall in live again... i won't be able to love again... i CANNOT.. not able to get happy from the inside... i mean i received loads of surprises this year on my birthday... i tried to put on happiness and messed it up.. i wanted to show i was really happy with those amazing gifts... i wanted to be happy.. but i was not... i apologise ...