shaping my dreams into reality

why is this not the case with me !!! the pain is increasing with time.......day by day.. night by night i'm dying INSIDE.... itz like the termites of time r making me hollow.. i'm hollow inside..... therez nothing..... there was a tym i was the happiest girl on the planet..... but this T I M E.. it finished everything !! i had no worries at all.... i was just a happy go lucky girl..... living in my own world... ohh !! dat world !! how on the earth can i forget that !! that was my world... my own world... i loved it !! last nyt i sat outside in the dark..... ahh !! that very place i used to sit and talk 2 someone....... that place..... i sat there last night...... memories flashed around me! it was like !!! it was like !! no words !! just looked up at the sky...... the stars reminded me smthng.... i had a perfect life for me.... my world.... but i threw a stone at it myself.... and it shattered..... but i had to !! it would have shattered some tym later !! it was destined to b...

finally it rained today.. the earth needed it..... it rained like anything.... seemed like God turned ON all the taps and switched on all the coolers of heaven.... the rain came like a cyclone... but it cooled down the weather hear.... the heat almost killed us !

gah ! not feeling well today... :(   itz tooo hot here.. can't move away from the cooler.....The earth needs some rain now... i now rain makes me feel blue... but this rain will wash away the heat with it... to add this heat i'm not at all feeling well today...... talked with my old friend today... she scored 98 percentile in MAT.. and she studied for just three days... proud of her... :) . at least someone works hard.... if not me... why the hell i'm so lazy... why m i not a hard worker..... !! i don't know! :( i have changed a lot.. time has changed me lyk nething.. ^_^

Today is my pyaree roommate's birthday.... I just wish i was with her... :(  

I've grown up reading and listening fairy stories... as i grew up a lil more... i started reading fictions like harry potter and all... i created a magical world around me and lived in that world... that was my world.. infact that IS my world.. the world in which i am what i wanna be... i still m living in that imaginary world... though i've kinda started moving out of it... is that something that happens when u grow up.. why do u grow up then.. itz better to be a child and have not to worry at all than to be a grownup and have all the worries of the planet... why, itz we who want to grow up jaldi se when we r kids.. and when we actually grow up we wanna be kids again.... we know that's not possible but still we wish... well it depends on us... if we want we can keep that child alive inside us.... but growing up really brings some changes in you....they r inevitable and uncontrollable... we don't like the way we're becoming but we r becoming dat only !! they r th...

It's 8.30 in the morning.. and i'm sitting here having my hot chocolate... have nothing 2 do... sitting just like dat... i don't understand why the hell i've filled my NET form.....i m not studying 4 it at all.... i dnt knw where my love for reading has gone... i've changed completely in the past 2 years... i dnt knw what changed me.. was it moving away from home living with a variety of people or it was smthg else... i don't know... i'm too lazy 2 do nething these days... my education is complete... I'm a Master in English literature now... completed my post graduation now... i can't believe i've spent 2 years away from home... i am such a home sick na !! i missed my mum a lot... earlier i wanted to move away from home but when i actually moved i was soooo home sick... and now i'm back home... i made really good friends there.... i miss them a lottt.. 

i wanna leave my past behind.. move out of the world i made around me... the world in which i dwelt for more than 2 years.. sometimes i feel i've moved on. but the very next second i realize that i'm wrong..how can someone just walk into ur life.. turn it upside down.. plays with it for a loooong tym... finally u realise u're just a plaything at someone's hand and u have to cut off the relation... how does it feel trying to forget the past .. silent tears.. moving around wearing a fake smile always.. people liking ur smile always.. but none is able to see the pain behind it...neways have accepted life as it is.. i feel i'll never fall in live again... i won't be able to love again... i CANNOT.. not able to get happy from the inside... i mean i received loads of surprises this year on my birthday... i tried to put on happiness and messed it up.. i wanted to show i was really happy with those amazing gifts... i wanted to be happy.. but i was not... i apologise ...